After my prostatectomy and in need of a new supply of Depends, I was shopping at the local Acme. Hoping for a speedy grab and check out on a Tuesday morning, I was recognized by an elderly lady as I was putting another pack of Depends briefs into my cart.
“Pardon me,” she said in a kindly manner, “but aren’t you Big Paul?”
“Why yes I am. How did you know?” (Silently cursing fame on a Tuesday morning)
“Well,” she replied, “You played in the orchestra at my granddaughters’ wedding reception several years ago and that hat is quite distinctive. We had a wonderful time that night”
Drawing on my experience with annoying old broads at weddings, I spoke in a brisk manner, unfamiliar to those who know me.
“GreatthankyouIamhappyeverybodyhadagoodtime.”
Undeterred, she inquired with an unexpected question. “Have you had a prostate operation recently?”
“Uh, yes, how did you know that?”
“My husband had a recent prostatectomy. He also wore Depends for a while afterward.”
Sometimes, the trouble with annoying old broads is the kindness in their hearts and their need to be helpful. She was not finished yet…
She moved closer, and speaking in a quiet voice, she said, “You need to know that Depends are supposed to be worn on the inside of your pants…”
…So…now what?